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Wednesday, October 2, 2013

How much is too much?

Hmmm, how much is too much?
After Rachel was diagnosed the first time they told us she would be in 5-6 months. Wow! We wondered how we as a family would handle this time frame. The first and the last month were the hardest. After a bit we fell into a routine of sorts. Barry would come every Saturday and spend the night and tried to spend a night midweek as well. I would do everything else. We did have some aunts spend some nights as well which was a nice break. Yes it was a routine but not a routine we loved.
When discharge came we literally ran out of the hospital happy to not come back. We were so glad we would not be doing that again. Summer came and it was great being home. Barry's dad Hank had not been feeling so great for a few months. He was going through various medical tests. He seemed to be holding his own. We weren't sure how much of it was from stress from losing his wife a year and a half ago. The end of August our world changed again. Dad had a stroke and was admitted to Brantford hospital for rehab. With a second stroke in hospital his health deteriorated. He went from having limited speech and recognizing us to no speech and not knowing his family. During this time Rachel's numbers were dropping. We thought "No this can't be happening" . It was all too much. How can we possibly deal with all this? And then the verdict. Her cancer was back. Another 7-9 months.
I am a firm believer that God knows what he is doing and everything has a purpose and plan. But really God? I did question Him on this even when I knew he was in complete control. I did not love his plan and still do not. Hopefully some day I will look back and have this Ah Ha moment. But sometimes we will never understand why things have happened.
Right now I feel this is too much. Too much for Rachel who is missing out on her teen years. Too much for the kids at home who have too live with the stress of mom being gone and who are missing out on things as well because we just can't do everything. Too much for Barry who has a child in one hospital, a father in another, harvest season around the corner and kids at home who need him.
I know God will carry us through this. I can feel the prayers around the world.


On a side note : There have been some improvements with dad in the last while. He is starting to get some speech back.

2 comments:

  1. Elsie and family,
    I cannot and will not pretend to know how you feel. I can't even offer advise because of this. I just want you guys to know that there are many, many, many people who would take some of your pain for you if we could. That being said when it feels too much imagine you have given a little of your pain to each one of us and give yourself a rest. I have no idea if this will help or if its possible but really just wanted you to know there are so many people who love you and your family

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  2. It is too much. You are living my nightmare, I just pray that you can wake up and find it all a dream. You are a very strong person and I know you all will get through this. Sending love and prayers and wishing we could do more.
    Wanda - Jacob's Journey.

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