A few years back I started reading a blog of a young woman named Katie Davis. What I read simply amazed me. That someone so young could lead such an unselfish life. At 18 she moved to Uganda to become a missionary. It started out as a 1 yr term and years later she is still there. In a matter of a few years she would adopt 13 young girls and dedicate her whole life to the people living in this country. She has started a whole organization named Amazima which feeds and educates the people living in her community. She does this all because she loves God with her whole heart. I first became interested in her story because of the adoption angle. I also fell in love with her story because as a young girl I always dreamed of helping out in an orphanage. I was not as brave as Katie was to follow God's calling. Rachel also has that same calling. It is the cry of her heart to go to the neediest and hold the babies who have no one to hold them. My prayer for her is that she will get that chance and be brave like Katie was to do that.
Katie's last blog entry has a lot to say about courage:
"And I cry, because I do not feel courageous. I feel downright defeated sometimes. Maybe courage is not at all about the absence of fear but about obedience even when we are afraid. Courage is trusting when we don't know what is next, leaning into the hard and knowing that it will be hard, but more, God will be near. Maybe bravery is just looking fear in the face and telling it that it does not win because I have known the Lord here. I have known the Lord in the long, dark night."
"We live in world where innocent people suffer and good friends die and stories don't have the endings we prayed for, and the pain and the hurt, it is everywhere. But the Joy and the Hope that we find in our Savior? It is everywhere, too. I do not have all the answers, in fact, I don't have many at all. But this is what I know: God is who He says He is. And in the hurt and the pain and the suffering, God is near, and He is good, even when the ending isn't."
I feel like we are going through a long, dark night and I do not feel courageous at all. But maybe I've had a false definition of courage. I am learning but most days it feels like 1 step forward and 2 steps back. Just when I think I have a grasp on my feelings and the situation, I crash. When you are "living" in this setting, the pain and hurt is everywhere. Not only are you dealing with your own hurt but you are talking to others and feeling their pain. I know that God is here. I know that God is good. In His own timing and in His own plan and purpose for our lives He is good. Most days it does not feel like it. But each day I try and step forward knowing that He is in control.